Jesse's Bagatelles.

Jesse's Bagatelles.  I was utterly blown away by them.  Bravo, bravo, bravo.  I can't say it enough... it was wonderful to witness such amazing music, by incredible musicians, in an intimate environment and at the onset of greatness.  I say this with complete sincerity, and I hope that Jesse finds all the reward he deserves from his feat.  This was a moment that made me feel like I was in a moment of resounding time... the kind that people say, "I wish I could go back and be there when so and so played with this guy, in that space, blah blah..."  Without the blah blahs, though.  Anyway, I was there.  I got to see and hear it in its element.  And might I add, this is one of those important reasons why I live in New York.

Here we go, Day 320: https://ia600306.us.archive.org/34/items/Improv62912/20120629185348.mp3

Himalaya.

Beginning to buckle down for a crazy few weeks ahead.

I can't believe that I have less than two months left of this project.  The past year, swelling with experiences of all sorts, has left me dumbfounded.  I can't believe how much can fit into this time that has been so short.  And the intensity of meaning that I've discovered... so many mysteries, it seems, have made themselves known.  Or at least they've shown a bare ankle.  And my awareness of such has proven to be a source of happiness, as thinking around them has been quite an intellectual adventure.  And that journey, I've been blessed to share with a few special comrades... sherpas that didn't even know they were leading.

Here we go, Day 319: https://ia902704.us.archive.org/29/items/Improv62812/20120628202432.mp3

The absurdity of the classical ideal.

With regard to classical music:

I've been working on the Brahms F Major cello sonata over the past few weeks, and am lucky enough to have a run-through partner that doesn't mind all of my humps and bumps in preparation for the performance.  And anyway, the first run-through made my pitfalls glaringly obvious... at the time, I really hadn't learned my part properly, and there were many places to lament.  So I spent many, many moments, with metronome inching its way up to an acceptable tempo, but still feeling the dread for those tricky little spots.

Then today, I realize that those tricky spots last for such an instant in the grand scheme of things.  I've spent what will equate to several hours for perhaps literally two seconds of music.  And then when we put things together today, those two seconds were so fleeting and unimportant that it felt laughable, the amount of time I had dedicated to their fluidity.  And the clincher is that, upon this realization, I will not stop trying to perfect those two seconds.  I'm not sure where that puts me, but I do know that as silly as it seems, I will not stop my attempts at the absurd.

Here we go, Day 318: https://ia601409.us.archive.org/1/items/Improv62712/20120627184058.mp3

Pardoning me.

Before I know it, I'll be heading to Vermont for three weeks of intensity and limit-pushing.  You know that if I voluntarily wake up at 7am every day for 3 weeks, I'm invested.

And until then, struggles to find balance between innumerable obligations... realizing that failure has not even crossed my mind, let alone not being an option.

Improvisations finding themselves cared for a lot, and not at all.  How difficult it's been to invest my analysis the way I once did.  But in a way, perhaps that is what I've needed... to let go, to not have time to worry about did I do this? or how could I have done that?  Another part of the journey, I suppose.  And yet, I find that the improvs have been finding some semblance....

Here we go, Day 317: https://ia600800.us.archive.org/3/items/Improv62612/20120626211058.mp3

Flambé.

Nothing that a little tango can't fix.

What I thought might be just a routine evening turned into an extraordinary routine.  So far, so good. 

Here we go, Day 316: https://ia600504.us.archive.org/22/items/Improv62512/20120625192041.mp3

The way to the heart.

Tonight's menu:

Massaged kale salad with French apricots and almonds.

Steamed mussels with leeks, Roma tomatoes and white wine.  Garlic and butter, of course.  Baguette on the side.

Herbed oven fries with herb (oh yes, double those herbs) mayonnaise.

French white wine, German white wine, Argentinean white wine, and New Zealander white wine.  That's a lot of white wine.

Strawberries with fresh whipped cream.  Espresso for those that wanted it.

Cooking for a cook was not as intimidating as I thought it might be.

Here we go, Day 315: https://ia700709.us.archive.org/35/items/Improv62412/20120624181157.mp3

5:02am.

Tick tock, goes the clock.  Tick tock, it does not stop.

Here we go, Day 314: https://ia600709.us.archive.org/11/items/Improv62312/20120623200828.mp3

Lyrics.

Listening to French songs.  Getting live translation.  Could make one reflective.  What's happened to lyrics?

There are no great lyrics anymore... at least none that could stand up against the great poetry of these old masters.  I'm disappointed in the masses for allowing such mediocre music to represent our culture and our times.  It's just embarrassing.  We might as well have a cookie-cutter for every aspect of our lives, because the pop music of today is all really just the same song slightly reworked over and over for different singers.  And this mentality has pervaded so many other industries, artistic and otherwise.  Very frustrating.

Here we go, Day 313: https://ia700808.us.archive.org/4/items/Improv62212/20120622213811.mp3

There's a word for that in French.

It doesn't matter that a shirt is wrinkled, or that a flavor isn't quite authentic.  One may have been a little tired.  Or perhaps stepped in a puddle, with a now wet foot.  We live with flaws.  But we live perfectly.

Here we go, Day 312: https://ia600804.us.archive.org/4/items/Improv62112/20120621143527.mp3

Bon voyage.

New York.  The most transient place I can think of.  After living here for nearly a decade, it's apparent that it's not going to be permanent for all of your friends.  Most of them leave after two or three years.  Another bunch will take off after five.  Others, a small handful, call it quits after nine or ten.  And on and on.  Two of my friends will move to Barcelona on Sunday.  It's always hard to part ways with people you care about.  Even when you've come to expect it.

Here we go, Day 311: https://ia600300.us.archive.org/12/items/Improv62012/20120619210214.mp3

Gonna get hot in here.

Air conditioner installed: check.  Fan blades cleaned and tightened: check.  Refrigerator still running: check.  All ready for 97 degrees tomorrow.  At least as ready as I'm gonna be!

The hot.  It's a comin'.

Here we go, Day 310: https://ia600304.us.archive.org/10/items/Improv61912/20120619210214.mp3

Dimensions.

I love to see marks from the past.  The way things were, and how people did things.  And who stood where.  The great things, and the small things.  And the weight that is felt from simple rituals that burn into a time place after having occurred habitually day after day.  Drinking a glass of water over the sink.  Practicing the piano in that same spot, and grunting in dismay when a mistake is made.  Hugging guests upon entry into one's home.  Pouring scoops of food into a dish for the cat.

And also that people were pretty much the same then as they are now.  And our stories are reflective of their stories.  Even though we have the internet now, and cell phones, and reality TV.  And they had books, baskets, and bonnets.

But anyway, I guess I'm a bit thoughtful about that whole space/time continuum (I honestly really don't even know what I'm talking about), and I have always felt the fourth dimension as if I could reach out and touch the past and future, if only I could see them.

Scars and mars.  Wrinkles.  Scrapes.  Evidence of how one lived life. 

Here we go, Day 309: https://ia700803.us.archive.org/23/items/Improv61812/20120618212945.mp3

Recipe.

Ceiling fan.  Tick tick tick tick tickity tickity tickity tlickety tlack tlack tlack flahflahflah flack fli flack fli flack....

You get the point.  Louder than a ticking time bomb... if you could personify its effects, though, similar results to one.  Ever maddening.  Add: 2 police sirens, and a heaping spoonful of piercing cat meows during moments of implied quietude.  A pinch of crotch rocket careening down the street at full speed.  3 teaspoons of children crying on the sidewalk.  A dash of cheer from the neighborhood bar as Germany scores a goal.  All part of the recipe that begins New York summer.

Here we go, Day 308: https://ia800308.us.archive.org/19/items/Improv61712/20120617180417.mp3

Ratio.

When I want the winks to outnumber the words, it means I'll have to keep things short for the time being.

Here we go, Day 307: https://ia700705.us.archive.org/2/items/Improv61612/20120616165150.mp3

Let go.

A bit of indirect advice that I plucked from a story a friend told... she had said to her then boyfriend, now husband, "Why are you waiting to be unhappy?"  (The circumstances are not really mine to share in this post, so I won't go into it, but rest assured that they are in fact ridiculously happy.)  I relayed the same question to my good friend tonight, who was very much in need of the challenge.  The point was that we worry ourselves to death, and hold back, and take decisions all based on a hypothetical "what if...?" when the good life is right there in front of us for the taking.  And we're all weighed down with this baggage, from our own experiences and the experiences of those around us, that is often irrelevant to the present.  We forget that outcomes are variable.  That yes, consequences could be dire, but on the other hand, could lead to unimaginable, free bliss.  (I'm trying to think of a word that's even stronger than bliss, but I can't think of one... I guess you get the point.)

It all boils down to vulnerability... which was an important element of my very first blog post.  Overcoming fear of vulnerability was high on my list of priorities (a necessity, even) as I started this whole thing, and now that it has begun to melt away, I can see how I might be able to relate the process to life, and not just music-making.  And as hard as it is to let that go, pride be my enemy, I'm excited that I might be able to do it.  Little by little, yes, but freedom, knowledge, and understanding wait on the other side.

Here we go, Day 306: https://ia700800.us.archive.org/18/items/Improv61512/20120615175224.mp3

Best laid plans.

I wonder the paths that I will take.  Because so far, I couldn't have anticipated most of them.  And I don't mean generally, but more in the details, which is where the surprises happen.  An important lesson, perhaps. 

Here we go, Day 305: https://ia800307.us.archive.org/27/items/Improv61412/20120614211639.mp3

Through the mists.

Humidity is my nemesis.  It's always been the most difficult condition for me to practice in... even worse than an unheated room on a cold winter day.  Somehow, the heavy, thick atmosphere seeps into my head, and makes everything swim, causing chaos and confusion.  So my practicing has suffered lately, and so have my improvs.   And my piano... my piano is all out of tune.

Here we go, Day 304: https://ia600309.us.archive.org/24/items/Improv61312/20120613212902.mp3

As a teacher.

Watching one's own piano students as they progress year after year is pretty amazing.  You get to see the actual fruits of your labor.  Some of my students I've had for several years since they first began.  And to realize that everything they can now do on the instrument is because of what I've shown them is astounding to me.  That combination of the physical, emotional, intellectual, and creative is weird if you think about it.  And fascinating.  And that a person, a child, could achieve that is amazing.  Cliche as it might sound, teaching really is rewarding.

Here we go, Day 303: https://ia600304.us.archive.org/23/items/Improv61212/20120612203012.mp3

Trust.

Human emotion is so variable and volatile.  Knowing how my own has changed and evolved puts bits of fear into me, because in many ways, it's undependable, inconsistent, and irrational.  It's difficult to trust something that was once so different a year ago than it is today.

But I also like that.  I like that as pragmatic as I might be, I'm not immune to any part of the emotional spectrum.  And I like that I feel hurt or happy.  I find it all so beautiful.

Maybe a strange topic of conversation, but it popped up in my mind when I sat down to write....

Here we go, Day 302: https://ia800501.us.archive.org/12/items/Improv61112/20120611203615.mp3

Beach.

Ahhh, the beach.  I never knew what I was missing, growing up in a land far, far away from an ocean of any type.  Lakes are great, but there's no comparison to the salt water and strength of the ocean waves.  Today we even saw some dolphins jumping off the shore.  One summer in Spain, I spent nearly every day, save a couple, at the beach.  It never dulled.  For as long as I live, I don't think I'll ever tire of days like these.

Here we go, Day 301: https://ia600809.us.archive.org/33/items/Improv61012/20120610122459.mp3

300.

A moment of thanks for knowing what I wanted out of life long ago.  And feeling that what I wanted is what I still want.  And realizing that it's a good goal.  To live well and fully.  And to feel without fear.

So day 300 happens, and it happens on a day that belongs to one of my dearest, best friends.  Hence, an altered improv... but maybe the best or worst of all.  Who knows, and who cares?  It's an honest assessment of today.

Here we go, Day 300: https://ia600707.us.archive.org/20/items/Improv6912/20120609212916.mp3

Daydreams.

Do you remember when you were young, and sunny days prevailed as the end of school drew near?  There was always a restlessness to jump out of one's skin, and run into grassy fields, finally released from the shackles of homework and tests.  Visions of catching pet toads, and bike rides; sidewalk chalk, and picnics.  Those were all daydreams soon to be realized.

And now, I find myself on the other end of that time capsule.  It's nearly impossible to beg focus from a kid this time of year.  Can't say I blame 'em... I've got that restlessness, too.

After a moment or two of "where am I?" the improv turned into a study of seconds.

Here we go, Day 299: https://ia600301.us.archive.org/27/items/Improv6812/20120608214107.mp3

Patient jazz.

I had an "Oh, sh*t." moment today, when I realized how much music (and the difficulty of said music) I have to prepare in the next month or so for some upcoming concerts.  I'm just glad I have a month.  That being said, my jazz practicing has fallen to the wayside, as I've bustled my way into anal retentive, insecure, classical musician mode.  Apologies to my ever-patient jazz teacher.

Here we go, Day 298: https://ia601408.us.archive.org/12/items/Improv6712/20120607192228.mp3

Query.

I know how I would answer this question for myself, but I wonder how you would answer it:

Have you noticed an evolution in these improvs?  And if so, in what way? 

I'm almost at ten months.  I can honestly say that I'm a different person since I began this thing.  (Not entirely, obviously... but I've definitely gone to places previously untraveled.)

On another topic, I'm really grateful for my many influences.  I'm fortunate to have been exposed to world music from the farthest regions one could imagine, as well as the most archaic music, and absurd music; strange music, and traditional music; classical of course, and jazz; bad music, and extraordinary masterpieces.  Maybe at times, it's been distracting, or misleading, but I'm still pretty happy that I've got the background to draw from.

Sorry... a little fragmented with the writing tonight, and for the last several nights, I'm afraid....  Well, the improv is also a bit fragmented, but there were moments I really liked in there, despite some initial trepidation as I sat down to play.

Here we go, Day 297: https://ia600706.us.archive.org/28/items/Improv6612/20120606213021.mp3

Senses.

When I played today's improvs, I was really unhappy with them.  When I listened back, I like them so much more.  Why can't we trust our senses in the moment that they are serving their purposes?

Here we go, Day 296: https://ia700707.us.archive.org/17/items/Improv26512/20120605150052.mp3

Voice.

Realizing that my voice, whatever it is, is quite unique, given the particular journey by which I've come to it.  I don't think I sound like anyone.

Here we go, Day 295: https://ia800501.us.archive.org/4/items/Improv6412/20120604152039.mp3

*cough*

Lots of one-offs these past couple of weeks.  Pardon the coughing.  I have a cold.  But improvisation must go on!

Today's improv seems to quantify what I feel things have been adding up to since August 15.  I started all those days ago with an insecurity that I didn't have the tools to improvise.  Then, somehow, my language started to grab hold here and there, drawing from different influences, but namely classical traditions.  Sometimes the grabs were pretty abstract... other times acutely clear.  Often, my impressions were hazy, but I feel like they are coming together all on their own.

So many times I've tried to force things into place, but when I let them do what they're going to do, I get something different and even more special than I could've ever imagined.

Here we go, Day 294: https://ia800308.us.archive.org/16/items/Improv6312/20120603194823.mp3

It's happening.

For the past month, all the talk has been about Nuno and Jaimie's wedding.  That was, actually, just how long it's been since their engagement.  And now, so suddenly, our two little ones are married and on their new journey together.  What a beautiful day for them, and for my New York family to be all that much closer.  It's pretty wonderful.

And still, the improvs continue to happen, and I'm reminded that they occur so spontaneously at every moment.  And mixed with the mundane, the unexpected and spectacular.

Here we go, Day 293: https://ia600808.us.archive.org/7/items/Improv6212/20120602145045.mp3

Off the record.

Could you believe that by day 292, I've only ever improvised maybe once or twice without recording it?  Seriously!  But today, after I finished my "official" improvs, I continued to play a little longer, with a spare ten minutes.

Why is it, that after getting comfortable on the record for nearly 10 months, I find myself doing such more interesting twists and turns, nuances and expressions, when I'm not recording?  It was almost like I had stopped sucking in my belly, and a big sigh left my body.  I started to use different patterns, shapes, and variations that I never used in previous improvs.  I almost felt like a totally different pianist.  And the switch was remarkable... I could never improvise like that before.  Now the question is, how do I get myself to do that with the mic on?

Here we go, Day 292: https://ia600500.us.archive.org/2/items/Improv6112/20120601214256.mp3