Falter.

You know... I've been kind of bummed lately, because I think my writing has been faltering.  I never expected this blog to become a catalyst for me to write again, but it really has, and I've disappointed myself by not having been very clever or creative over the past month or so.  And not just the writing, but the improvs, too.  I've been letting my comfort control the situation, and really just taking a back seat to whatever feels easy.  Is it possible that I'm running out of ideas?  Or is it just that my mind has been sidetracked?

In a lot of ways I feel like whatever it was that had been feeding me creatively toward the beginning of this project has disappeared.  It's a little bit scary.  And though I know this happens, and it's totally normal, I hate to think that all the florid and fantastical channels that I once danced around in with carefree curiosity, might now be shut off.  Maybe I'll never find those places again.  And that thought really inspires a feeling of loss.  Because some of those places made me feel euphorically happy just to daydream about them.  And if I can't reach them again?

Could it be that I'm getting tired of this project?  Certainly it has been a huge commitment; much more than I ever imagined.  But I am still trying, still wondering, still working to get somewhere.  Maybe I've lost sight of where I could be trying to go.  But... then again, I never knew exactly, or even generally where that might be.

Maybe this is just a lull.  There are usually lulls during journeys, right?  Yeah... I'm at one of those moments where I'd rather just stay in the hotel instead of going to explore the town.  I just need a little rest... then I'll be ready for more.  That must be it....

Here we go, Day 260: https://ia600307.us.archive.org/33/items/Improv43012/20120430211509.mp3

Risk.

I've been very aware that I have not been taking many (any) risks in my improvs.  At least not lately.  That really bugs me, because it's something I've always appreciated, and generally chastised when gone missing in performance.  I've never loved neat, perfectly ordered playing, unless it's neat, and perfectly ordered with a smear of unexpected danger and excitement.  Or if "neat and perfectly ordered" is ironically so, then that will work just fine, too.  But neat and ordered on its own is just dull.  So anyway, I'm bugged by my own self.  Not because I'm neat and ordered, but because I'm missing that element of risk.  You get it... I don't need to write on.

On the plus side, though, I've taken a couple of jazz lessons, and I think it might start to get me to focus on progressions a little better.  So far, my II-V-Is are pretty good.  ;)  Hopefully I will keep it up, and gather some momentum, and maybe, at some point soon, I'll know all my chord progressions so well, that I will be able to analyze, instantaneously, the funkiest chord I can muster.  And that is pretty funky.

Here we go, Day 259: https://ia600308.us.archive.org/31/items/Improv42912/20120429194550.mp3

Art.

I told my student the other day, that if she would not perform a piece, her artwork would not exist.  It made her realize how specialized and personal her ability is.  And every time I think of that concept, it blows my mind a little bit more.  Though this is applicable to absolutely anything, it fascinates me a lot with music in particular, given the temporariness of sound.  You know, that whole time element twists everything so splendidly.

Here we go, Day 258: https://ia600303.us.archive.org/23/items/Improv42812/20120428144959.mp3

Spawn.

Well, then.  A little more shameless self-promotion.  Since I'm eagerly anticipating my bed tonight, I'd rather not get wrapped up in a wonderful philosophical discussion at this point.  Instead, I'll tell you to watch the Lyra competition live stream tomorrow at 5pm EST.  I organized it, after all... so you know it's gonna be, if not completely awesome, at least a little quirky and amusing.  I'll be doing the public speaking, and that's generally endearing... also a hotbed of painfully unintentional Freudian slips and mumblerifficness.  Plus, two of my own students will be performing, and, well, anyone who teaches privately knows that, at some point, your students become your little surrogates.  Even if only for an hour a week.  I'm definitely bonded with these two.  So check it out!  They're my musical spawn.

http://lyrasummermusic.com/Lyra_Competition.html

Here we go, Day 257: https://ia600308.us.archive.org/26/items/Improv42712/20120427212726.mp3

Brains.

Leave it to a non-musician to remind me how hard I believe in my craft.  And all he had to do was be an imbecile.  Maybe that gives me more belief in humanity... if I were surrounded by people like this at every moment... but then... hmmm....

On another thought, I got to talking with someone about ergonomics in relationship to brain function and how that all connects with our muscles, fine motor skills versus broad gestures and so forth.  And I brought up the idea that, though we might perceive red as different colors, we define it the same way; and that, though our bodies might connect to our muscles differently, maybe they learn to function more or less the same way out of what we find necessary.  Well, this all became quite theoretical, because, as it turns out, scientists have studied very little of this, and really have no answers.  I mean, if the NYU department has no idea, then I can't expect much from elsewhere.  (If you've got something, then show it.  I want to know.)  But, really, honestly????  I want them to study me and my friends.  I want to know the details of how we move, and what our brains are doing as we do this crafty thing, which is pretty ridiculous, in terms of motor skill.  Are my brain waves like yours as we both play the same piece?  Is there a "right" way in terms of physical manipulation?

Fascinating.

Really.

It's pretty interesting being the artsy wild card at a neuroscientist party.

Here we go, Day 256: https://ia600303.us.archive.org/30/items/Improv42612/20120426213027.mp3

In lieu.

After a week or so, dawdling on this video project I've been putting together, I finally settled on just stringing a bunch of my old photographs and doing the whole Ken Burns (recommended) thing in lieu of actual video.  So one of my favorite improvs (from November 8) is now on youtube.  I don't know how many of these improvs I'll do this with, since I'm not attached to many (or most) of them like I am to Nov. 8, but we'll see.  I think it's probably a good idea to branch out in this way a little bit.  All the kids are doing it, anyway, and who am I to resist peer pressure?  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jxko9eI4cMI

Today's improv seems heavily influenced by the video improv.  I think that probably happens often... influence from hearing something over and over again.  Even if the influence was mine to begin with.  So be it.

Before I got all wrapped up in this, I had planned on writing about one of my favorite topics.  But instead, I'll just throw out this phrase:

...the intensity of understanding...

Discuss.

Here we go, Day 255: https://ia600303.us.archive.org/17/items/Improv42512/20120425211745.mp3

Whim.

I've yet to discover the secret that some people possess, of being able to sit down to their instrument, and improvise something wonderful at whim.  Since I started this whole thing, there have been very few days where I've really felt like I had control over the artistic merit of what I was trying to do... and very many days where my total lack of focus produced exactly what I thought it would: total crap.  How do people do it?  When I'm exhausted, there's almost nothing I can attempt to pull my head into semblance.  Is there something I'm not catching on to?  Or is it more like the performance thing, where just being there onstage in front of an audience gives you that automatic ultra focus?  I wouldn't know the answer to that yet, since I've never actually improvised in front of people.  Anyone wish to weigh in?

Here we go, Day 254: https://ia600303.us.archive.org/32/items/Improv42412/20120424210358.mp3