Passage.

With miles to go before I sleep, (of website updating, that is,) I think it best not to use up all of my creative energy on tonight's blog entry.

I will throw in there that today brought more life experience, and with it, anxiety that was probably unwarranted.  We are silly creatures, blessed and cursed with our ability to love and create.

Here we go, Day 115: https://ia600805.us.archive.org/31/items/Improv12711/12_7_118_21Pm.mp3

Never know.

I've probably written something about this before, but... what a difference a day makes.

The things I didn't know yesterday are the things that hit heavily today.  Or at least they were unexpected.  It's interesting to look into the future, and guess at what lies in wait.  Fortunately, a lot of the best things are complete surprises.  Then again, so are some of the worst things.  But even when those worst things catch us off guard, we can remember that this reality is only here.  And rest assured, there is a there.

It's a good reason to plan loosely, and live spontaneously, wouldn't you say?

Here we go, Day 114: https://ia600805.us.archive.org/12/items/Improv12611/12_6_118_23Pm.mp3

Nude.

The instrumentalist in me said, "Are you serious?  Don't."  But the experimenter in me said, "Do it, do it, do it!!"

So, with much momentary trepidation, and the power of spontaneous improv to back me up, I did it.

Now, this ain't rocket science, seems like no big deal, probably nothing at all to anyone else.  But it still freaked me out.  With a bit of patience, you'll know what I'm talking about. 

Man, I don't even know if I can publish this online.  I know this is silly, but it makes me feel a little naked.


Here we go, Day 113: https://ia600801.us.archive.org/22/items/Improv12511/12_5_113_02Pm.mp3

Some things.

It must be a sure sign of winter that I baked banana bread today.  Often I don't spare the time for it, but I needed to use up the abundance of black alien pods in my freezer, that usually provoke looks of concerned alarm from friends who just wanted some ice cream.

Baking = winter.  I'm a girlie-girl after all.

Here we go, Day 112: https://ia600809.us.archive.org/27/items/Improv12411/12_4_115_49Pm.mp3

Experiments.

Ever since I was a little kid, I have seen lines and shapes in nature and day to day objects, and imagined them as pictures of faces, bodies, and animals.  I specifically remember daydreaming in the shower, looking at the marbelized tiles, and seeing the same things in them each time, like old, familiar paintings.  Sometimes they would freak me out, because the face was something scary and distorted, and I had to purposefully avert my eyes from that spot, because the image was so vivid.

I like noticing hidden messages.  It makes me feel like I know something special that other people don't.

And I'm getting more and more comfortable with piano's hidden message.  I was complaining the other day (as I often do,) that I can't crescendo on a single note on a piano.  But today, I was sort of feeling like I could actually do that inside of the piano.  And lots of other cool stuff, too!  There's not really a whole lot of technique developed for this kind of piano playing, but as I explore it, I'm discovering an entirely new range of the instrument's capabilities.  More experimentation to ensue!!!

Here we go, Day 111: https://ia600801.us.archive.org/25/items/Improv12311/12_3_119_04Pm.mp3

Survival.

I'm not sure how I manage the whole late night activity.

And then, somehow, it is.

Here we go, Day 110: https://ia700807.us.archive.org/8/items/Improv12211/12_2_118_43Pm.mp3

Eat cake.

Well, so, I went after something a little different today, in response to what Jesse wrote about yesterday.  I wanted to try it out.  But I couldn't let go, so completely, of form.  I also didn't do exactly what I thought Jesse was suggesting... from talking with him, and hearing what he has to say, I gather that he means to let the brainwaves go, and allow the physical memory/training to kick in.  That the subconscious will come through regardless, and hence prove a purer honesty.  (Jesse, if I'm off the mark, feel free to chime in and correct me.)  Look back to the "Dreams." post, and you'll see that I actually believe this in some sense, as well. 

Here's the difference, though, for why that wouldn't work the same way for Jesse and for me.  Jesse is primarily a jazz musician.  He has gone through extensive training in improvisation.  I have not.  Not ever.  This is a point that I discussed tonight with McIntyre, who knows.  It is true that I have a quarry of classical language that I can fall back onto, but it is a very different skill set.  It is so very difficult to adapt to this alternate way of creating music, and I think that the expectations set by my educational background has skewed my goals.

But anyway, success for this project, as it is judged solely on the process and what I learn, has already been achieved.  The rest is noise.

Here we go, Day 109: https://ia600805.us.archive.org/21/items/Improv12111/12_1_113_14Pm.mp3

(Oooh, I could've made a great reference to Beethoven Opus 109.  Darn!!  Missed opportunity.)